Sina

so brandon and i have decided to go on tour for good now! weve already got our first show at street light records in santa cruz on thursday june 18th. we will continue up north until we hit our destination of olympia Washington. i have not been this excited in so fucking long! finally what ive always talked about doing is ACTUALLY going to happen. i hope some of you can be there on the journey, but if not i'll tell you about it when we get back :)

last night was a great night. thanks to all that came out to see the show! i was so stressed the entire night about getting there in time, with all the horrible l.a. traffic, and kept wondering if we were gonna get fucked over by the girl who booked our show after reading some not so good things about her on yelp.

the bar itself was not too shabby. pretty small, but convenient in alot of aspects. great parking, foosball table, somewhat clean bathrooms, alright drink prices, but if you have more than 6 or 7 friends there you feel like the place is yours! i feel like i'm writing a yelp review, maybe i should? anyways the show went pretty darn good. i had fun playing the songs we played and it seemed like everyone had a decent time.

afterwards we were rewarded with good beer, great pizza, and amazingly good times. i hope to have another night like last night somewhat soon. it was definitely needed to say the least.

i don't know what is wrong with me. i feel like i'm having a mental breakdown but it has lasted for a month. i have not been myself and have been trying to figure things out and its been so fucking difficult i truthfully cannot describe it in words. i think i need a shrink.

haven't really written in a while. got a job offer today cleaning up audio on a 10 minute documentary about some schizophrenic man who is convinced his wife is out to get him, ruin his life, and burn down is non existent business. it was pretty hard to hear that this was an actual true story.

school is boring. either that or i'm really not into it. i'm pretty sure i wasnt and stil am not mentally prepared to be in school this semester. i guess i just gotta push through. i guess i was really looking forward to my classes and building them up in my head that when they werent so awesome it became a pretty big disappointment to stay motivated. not an excuse at all, its just what goes on in my head.

what else.
starting an oc bike crew on tuesdays. first "official" ride i guess is this tuesday. should be pretty fun. anyone who wants to join call me or something.

listening to broken social scene reminds me of being in high school and how nostalgic i used to be about everything and how even more nostalgic i've become. the other day i talked to bryan about how important friday night outings used to be. it was almost like a drug i was addicted to. if i didn't do SOMETHING on friday or saturday my life would be in the shitter basically. i still like to have something to do on the weekends but i guess its not so much of a priority anymore. whatever happens happens and thats all there is to it.

where to start. these past couple of weeks have been great and not so great. i don't know why, but I'm really not wanting to go to school as much as i wanted to last semester. i'd much rather be putting all my effort and concentration on the movie job instead, which is going awesome by the way. long hours and all but definitely a good experience.

since i stopped being raw i've been catching up with all the "junk" food i've missed. mostly consisting of sauted vegetables and jack fruit with a few newman-o's here and there. I've realized how much raw food works so well with my body so i'm making a really big conscious effort to eat as much raw food as i possibly can. it can get pricey at times, but it all depends on how you go about utilizing your money.

the band has been keeping a low profile and not doing much since the show at motion lounge. we had a couple of good writing sessions, but we definitely need to buckle down and bring back the regular wednesday night practices. last night brandon called me after he had recorded the drums for one of our songs (which is going on an upcoming benefit album for food not bombs, which you should donate to!) and made me excited again for the band and where were going. All I really wanna do is pack my bags and go on tour. It might sound childish and not well thought out, but I honestly don't care. It's something i think i'm good at and i'm having the time of my life whenever i do it.

i've been feeling distant from everyone lately. Maybe its just that i'm busy and wish i got more phone calls from friends or something. really i just miss hanging out even if its just for a second. i miss playing foosball. i miss nights at 6th street and babes. i miss driving out to see underground railroad to candyland to hear just one song. i miss puking in the back of bryans car. i miss driving through del at 2 in the morning and buying hashbrowns. i miss sparks. i miss paris hilton motherfuckers. i miss the art hub. i miss riding a motorized cooler. i miss talking about "rap" music. i miss that trip we took to palm springs for one night. i miss ikes. i miss the wall.

aint too shabby. got off to a very rough start, but its gotten alot better.
school is starting again on monday. I really want to go, but i don't think i'm mentally prepared.
At the same time i'm excited to start a fresh new semester with new classes and hopefully awesome teachers.

I got this great job opportunity to work on this new movie called Growth. Apparently the directed did Scream 2 and 3. My first actual day of work is tomorrow and I'm really really excited! wish me luck!

Yikes! a Lion! has a great show coming up on the 15th (which all of you reading this should attend) and i'm really excited for it. There were some problems with the venue and we definitely will not be planning another show there, but I'm excited to see the other bands and see how it all goes. Hopefully there's no drama and everything goes smoothly.

Today i thought to myself that i might be a bit harsh in the way i treat people. There's no doubt that i don't have any room in my life at this point for people that aren't good company. I've filtered alot of people out of my life that were not positive or giving a positive outcome to the "relationship" we had, but i'm definitely giving in to 2nd chances. Even though its totally not me, i'm willing to give it a chance. With some cases thought its different. its different when there already has been a 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th chance. In the end though were all human and we can't help wanting to be nice and give someone another chance. It's just hard sometimes. sigh.

last night was a horrible night. i don't even know why the fuck i went there in the first place. i should've known better. fuck everything right now.

being at home without my parents and sister is the best thing i could've asked for christmas. i don't mean it in a bad way I just really needed time to myself. some time to cook a meal and watch seinfeld, maybe walk around in my boxers and play my guitar louder than usual. even though their only gone for a week, its a really good mental escape for me.

the show at echo omega went fairly well. i was feeling a little sick, but it was okay. i think the last show we played their was better, but theres always gonna be mediocre shows and those are fun too. the cops came at the last minute and stopped us from playing the bryan and eden song, but thats probably best to wait on anyway.

i don't understand how drama fills every square inch of an area like a flood in a matter of seconds. i hate it and if i had one wish it would be to eliminate it for good. actually i'd probably first ask for 100 more wishes then i'd ask for that.

i'm realizing that i don't know as much as i used to. people who i thought i knew, or at least generally understood what they were about, have been starting to prove me wrong. it's a really uncomfortable feeling and for once i think i'm starting to not trust or believe people as much as i used to. maybe i'm growing or maybe i'm just being an asshole. who knows.

ive been getting involved with fnb alot lately. maybe too much at times. i can't really tell. i've just been all about it lately.
the anarchist book fair wasn't as awesome as i thought it would be. picked up a book by ward churchill that i'm excited to read and amongst other pamphlets. it was really crowded and you couldn't really hear the speakers because of the crowd which was not keane. la fnb totally threw us under the bus and for that they will need to make it up to us.

just 2 more days of school until my nice break. hopefully i will get some important things done.
one of which is to move out of my parents house as soon as possible. i can't take all the yelling any longer. it is effecting my health. no joke.

i got a couple of cool sound fx jobs which i hope lead to something long term.

also bc is hosting a bunch of stuff in the next year which i am really excited for especially the anarchist ball (anyone wanna be my date?).

last night was very much needed. somehow after the first tecate my stress level was non-existent and i was just having a good time with friends. i don't know why, but i've been stressed beyond belief. all i want to do is fucking cook in my kitchen and watch grounded for life but i can't even do just that. ugh.

i can't wait for school to be over. i started losing my motivation a couple of weeks ago so i need to take some good classes next semester. i really liked logic so i might take something else in psych.

i need to take my car to get checked.

yikes! alion! has been really fun for me. i can't wait to play more shows. i live for shows, especially ones in houses with good malt liquor.

The only thing i really want to do is just go into solitary confinement and reflect on things, but i have nowhere to really go. maybe i should go to parks and the beach more often. taco loco anyone?

i'm in class and i'm in need of a stiff drink.
i played a show with brandon and it was so fun! brandon if you're reading this: You da man! despite me almost puking from anxiety, everything went pretty smoothly, and i can't wait to play again. looking forward to practice tomorrow night.
rough morning and i'm need of a really good beer. or cheap wine. more in the mood for a pint of something yummy.

i've been getting off track ever since i got my car back. even though i've been making up for a year of not having a car i definitely need to slow down.
i really need to let go of alot of things and just focus on myself for a while. i never really do that and i think its time to start.

when will this class be over!

i hate it when i feel like the 2nd choice. i hate it even more when its obvious that i'm the 2nd choice. not saying i want to be 1st, just saying i want to be equal with the rest.

i hate it when people get mad at you for no reason, are totally not sensible, and then a couple minutes later they take it all back saying they didn't mean a word of it. we all do it, but sometimes its different. its different when people repeatedly do it.

its funny how a few episodes of the OC can completely change your day around.
god bless surfthechannel.com!
it's all i do nowadays

ive been needing a night of hard liquor and a black out. sigh

so the first weeks of school have been kind of stressful and alot for me to adjust to, but i'm slowly beginning to accept it and figured out that its just the way it is when you're in school. i was positive i was getting an A in my html class but now my teacher is saying that i haven't turned in any of my assignments and i'm freaking out! i hope she finds out the problem!
i'm really into juicing. my dads juicer is tiny, but definitely gets the job done. i never knew how little juice you get from kale! theres NOTHING in that sucker!
I'm also excited to be getting my car back soon, which will enable me to squeeze in more hours at work and thus being able to move out by the beginning of the year. my parents are driving me crazy! at this point i'm not picky and i NEED to move.
i just want a backyard/garden to plant some tomato and basil plants! is that too much to ask for?!

so much going on in my head and out. my classes are very interesting but boring as hell at the same time. its weird that i want to do my homework and actually study for these tests. i guess i care about something after all. having to study everyday does get a little overwhelming though i'm not gonna lie. i need a vacation. a good one. i think i say that too much. but then again who doesn't. i cant wait to try out my dads juicer today! yippeeee!

i started making stencils yesterday. its pretty fun so far. i have to go by the store to buy better materials. my exacto? knife is about to break. i lost the left eye to my penguin wearing a sombrero stencil. should be easy to make a new eye. my best friend is coming home soon and im excited. im starting a big batch of brews next week and im very excited. also im making wine (like the old days. big buckets, grapes, feet, the whole shpeel). in 3 months from now im hoping to have alot of things resolved in my life. nothing too hectic, just decisions that need to be made. summmer is here! listen to blink182!

i just got home from work. the busses weren't running tonight for some odd reason so i walked all the way home. it didn't actually take me that long. an hour and a half walk from culver city to hollywood is sometimes needed to just clear your head and get some good exercise at 5 in the morning. hah.
ive been thinking too much lately. about now and the future. i just got this job a week ago and i'm already looking for my next job when this one ends. is that too soon? meanwhile i'm trying to plan a trip to europe and at the same time my lease ends in june and i'm trying to figure out where to live and where to go. its not alot to think about, but i'll admit that i get overwhelmed at times. i wish more friends would hang out. it really helps me to get away from things even if it means splitting a cigarette while walking to amoeba only to just walk up and down the isles and talk about awesome records you want to buy. sigh.

so things have been really up and down. i was about to finish my dui classes when the cops came and told me i wasn't going to them. i tried so hard to get an internship while i was in school and never got anything, but now i'm done with school and i have two great offers. i actually just got back from an interview which went relatively well. ive been researching jobs alot lately, but i still don't know what i want to do.

the lease for my apartment is up in june and i'm DEFINITELY not renewing it for another year. i've been meaning to sit down and review all my options, but i think i've been subconsciously trying to avoid it. I've been wanting to move up north, but i have a feeling i won't find any good jobs. i think i might go there to take a break and work a regular job. this town is making me sick. both mentally and physically.

"she said we can take this weekend, drive out past city limits, keep on driving just as far as we can go...
..and maybe when we get back things will seem a little better, things would work out in a way we'd never know.."
- d.0.